Undesireable, but Pursued out of Desire.

My name is Shannon White.


And I confess to being undesireable.


I confess that I don't meet social norms of what "beautiful" should be, based on magazines and media.
I confess to almost failing chemistry and math (twice).
I confess to being a procrastinator.
I confess to skipping classes.
I confess to choosing my own well being over other people.
I confess to making a mess of my life.
I confess to the swearing.
I confess to drinking behind my parents back.
I confess to partying as a way of trying to forget my undesireable-ness. (is that a word?)
I confess to trying to fill the void with popularity, alcohol, and boyfriends.
I confess that I've lied, cheated, gossiped, and judged, even those I claimed to love the most.
I confess to being a poor represntation of what a Christian should act and be like.
I confess to deliberately ignoring God and his plans for my life.
I confess to straight out lying about my faith and what I believe.

Every whiplash that Jesus recieved, for each nail that hung Jesus on the cross - I held the whip. I held the hammer, and it was me that stood on that day mocking the one that took my consequence.


I confess to being undesireable.


And I confess these faults in me, to show you, to prove to you, I am undesireable.

Why?

Because I confess to belonging to a God that desires the undesireable. Because forgiveness. Because God. Because despite what I've done, and who I was (and am), my wretched, black, and undesireable heart is desired by God. Because it is His, and He longs to heal it, and restore the unfixeable to it's original purpose.

No matter how many times I've tried to run from the light that is shed on my darkness.
No matter how many times I've avoided submission to him.
No matter how many times I've tried to walk away from this perfect, Holy, God of mine, that deserves much more than what I can ever offer Him.

He came after me. Because

He.
Desired.
Me.

Through everything I've done.

Because Jesus didn't come to earth to tell us we were doing a great job, no, Christ came to earth to love the worst, think about that. Because Christ came to love the drunkards, Christ came to love the murderers, the rapists, Christ came to love Isis militants and terrorists, Christ came to love the girls that post revealing photos, the girls that we love as our topic of discussion in our "purity talks" at church, of whom, I am the foremost. The words ring in my head two years ago, when I was talking about one of those girls, I said "I will never be like her", but God has shown me through my faults, that we are the same. And so are you. I don't say that out of condemnation, I say that out of encouragement, that as Christians, it is our duty to love and embrace, not to turn our face, and judge.

Romans 9:25 -  "Those who were not my people, I will call "my people". And she who was not beloved I will call "Beloved". And in the very place where it was said to them "You are not My people", they will be called Sons of the Living God.""

If you are in the same place I was, or worse, I want you to know, that He desires the undesireable with a passion for restoring you. That He desires you too. 

If you are in the same place I was, I want to tell you that your sin of the past, do not define your future with God. Our sins are wiped clean - our sins are no greater than the next. Whether we're the pope in an Argentine church, or prostitute on the street corner, a sin is a sin, no matter how small. And a heart is a heart, all desired by Him.

If you are in the same place I was, please know that there is always hope, there is always freedom, and there is always a place for you in His arms.

If you are in the same place I was, I want you to know that there is a way you can fill the void of your heart, the missing piece, and you don't need to wake up hungover to get it.

He has called us His People, despite what we have done.
He has called us His Beloved, even when we are unloveable.
He has called us His Sons, when we have been made orphan by our actions.

He desires the undesireable. 


Song Reccomendation:

Overwhelmed - Big Daddy Weave

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F6oxXwRWFTo